I have read a lot of these posts and really respect the views you put forward, so I hope you can put my mind at ease with some good advice.
 
I love my boyfriend very much, and he loves me. But sex is something which is a problem. Firstly, once touch is introduced, there's no problems, he is a very considerate lover. But I have a block about nudity and sex, which part of me always thinks it is dirty and wrong(a very Irish thing to say but still a bit much for a woman in her late 20's). It prevents me from being more assertive in the bedroom, and I am sure it lets my boyfriend down. So I have to be warmed up first in a matter of speaking.
 
I personally hate the way sex is nearly everywhere these days, and I think this has filtered into my mindset to the point where I associate sex with the images potrayed on the tv - i.e. rough pornographic, instant orsgasmic sex, and I really really don't like this. It actually makes me feel inadequate, and unhappy with my own sexuality.
 
We have a very trusting relationship, but I want to get an understanding of why I am feeling this way before I go and talk to him, because it is a big deal to me, but looking at this on my screen makes me feel a bit of an idiot.  
 
Sometimes I feel like everyone else is having great sex and I am not, because I am holding myself back with this thought process. I would love to be more comfortable with my sexuality, as I am in my sexual prime, and I dont want to look back in a few years and kick myself remembering when everything was pert and firm, I wasted it fretting.
 
Can someone advise?

Firstly you shouldn't feel like an idiot, there are probably alot of people going through the same worries.  
Is there a reason that you think sex is dirty and wrong? Something from your past perhaps, or maybe how you were brought up. I remember reading somewhere that if you grow up in an environment where sex is taboo and seen as wrong, then that's what you grow up thinking.  
I know what you mean about sex being everywhere but you shouldn't let it make you feel inadequate. I know that's maybe difficult to do but such things as porn as over the top.  
The only thing I can suggest is talking with your partner about it or if you aren't ready to do that have you thought about seeing a sex councellor to get to the bottom of why?
 
Hope you work it out  
Laura .x.  

You are definitely not an idiot and well done for being brave enough to put your feelings down, not easy I bet! I totally understand your feelings. It does seem as if sex is everywhere and so those of us who feel unsure are somehow totally lacking. I'm sure many people are faking it, they don't live like those portrayed on screen either. They're all just too scared to own up!! It's so difficult not to think that everyone is looking for the ultimate experience but maybe they're just as worried about their performance too. It's clear that you are looking towards feeling more comfortable and you seem to have a great man to learn with. Don't be too hard on yourself, there is no quick fix but it can be very good to work it out together. I'm 42 and been with the same man since 15 and we're still learning..I'm sure I could perform better tho' and I hate my husband seeing me undressed so maybe I'm not the best to advise you LOL and all these sexy, fit 50 year old actresses aren't helping my self esteem one bit!!
Don't worry, you are wonderful.
Live for the moment and enjoy it. x

Thanks Girls - After posting this funnily enough I read it and realised I have been obsessing a little - so I am easing off on myself and seeing my body as both a gift and a tool - long may the revised attitude last

Hi,
 
Firstly, please do not feel a fool, everyone has hang-ups its just lots of us are too afraid to admit them! so you're brave for doing so. And secondly, if you have a good bond with your boyfriend it may be worth just taking the direct root and being totally honest with him. This will also open the door for you both to talk about any future worries you may have. Just sit him down one night, and say there are some small things that are concerning you (if you need to make a list as it helps you focus and maintain confidence), Or if you're too nervous for that I find writing it down, and then handing the letter to them and letting them read it while you sit there works well too. It is a good way to go cos with writing no one can claim at a later date something was said that wasnt!
Plus, you could try small 'you and he', time experiments, massage, showering or bathing with each other, just build up small and see what happens. Before you know it you'll be very happy naked in front of him, when you come to realise that he loves every inch of you just the way you are. Be the wild woman thats hiding in there....let go, enjoy.....La Loba

Ok .....got yer......... and let me say some things! Sex is important and that's why God made us into 2 sexes (of course there are deviations). It's like sort of 2 halves supposed to be made one. So, one half is incomplete and that has its drawbacks.  
 
So what's wrong with making 2 halves whole?  
 
Yeah....! Our pious parents plant all sorts of things in our mind about sex. Dirty and all that. Fact is yes, the human body is unclean and requires frequent cleansing. This is to attest to the fact that all living things are corruptible.  
 
If you consent to it, then sex is clean. But you are obligated to simply let go and enjoy it fully. That's basic to human sensuality. If you hold back and enjoy only partially, then you are denying nature it's natural course and that is fundamentally wrong.
 
Yeah......... religion has their ways. Don't be religious about sex. Just be human. Oh and those erotic scenes? They are just to arouse our more primal instincts. That's call lust and beware lust creeps wherever passion resides. Just don't get succumbed.

Wow - trust me, we're not all having great sex, in fact a lot of us are working it out as we go along!!  
 
Can I just say, it's worth talking to your boyfriend, because once you open up to him about this, not only will he understand what you are feeling, and he can help you with it, but then you don't need to worry what he might be thinking.  Talking about something like this will create intimacy and allow you to feel more comfortable about it.
 
I also suggest that you learn to accept your nakedness.  If it's body hangups that bother you, then start doing something active - I'm not talking about trying to become a gym-honed Gisele - the reason I say it, is that once you start using your body, you feel better about it, and you feel sexier and more confident.
 
If it's nothing to do with your body per se, and you are just uncomfortable about the sexual side to it, then try to relax about it slowly. Sex is natural, and it can be so much fun, and you are in charge of your body, you set the limits, and whatever you choose and like is not wrong in any way.  People like different things, and you are allowed to let go, and enjoy sex.  I am sure the idea might be off-putting, but have you considered using a vibrator?  Most women I know have one, so don't think it's a "dirty" idea - it helped me to gain sexual confidence, once I learned how to please myself and have control over my body sexually.  My boyfriend now likes to use it, and it's not a threatening thing to either of us, it's just a fun toy.  
 
But if you would rather keep things simple, then start by talking to your partner.  A good game to play is to have him get naked, close his eyes (or use a blindfold) and then you touch his body wherever you want, and tell him what you like about it.  Then he can do the same to you.  Or vice versa.  The idea of this is that you can get to know each other's bodies without feeling like they are looking at you looking at them.  
 
Ignore the media, and ignore porn, and ignore what you see in movies.  We all have sex, and very few of us are movie stars or porn stars. Sex is about the two people doing it - ie you and your boyfriend! - and it is all about what the two of you like.  This is where the assertiveness can come in.  Start telling your boyfriend what you like - don't be shy - and it won't be long before you start telling him what to do.  
 
Have fun.  

I must disagree with SamJames's posting here - there are a few things that I have a problem with in your reply Sam. Firstly you say that there are two sexes but with "deviations". I may be reading your post incorrectly but to me you are implying that anything other than hetrosexuality is "deviant", which I find offensive. There is nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian, transgender or asexual. We are all different and those differences are to be embraced,  not looked upon as something abnormal or wrong.
Secondly, you say that "You are obligated to let go and enjoy it fully" Do you not think that this attitude can make people who don't enjoy sex feel even worse? Is this a helpful comment? It doesn't sound like one to me. There are a huge number of reasons why people don't enjoy sex, even if they are in a loving sexual relationship so I find this comment to be quite judgemental and I don't see how a sexual problem of any kind is going to be resolved by saying that not having a fulfilling sex life is denying nature it's natural course.
Lust, I think is a natural part of the attraction process, many couples wouldn't be together without it but it's something else that keeps people together.
I just think that your comments could make people feel guilty about not having a satisfying sex life and that's why I've posted this response.

Hi Trasp,
 
Interesting post, and you are far from alone in Irish society, but it's not just an Irish thing, it's hugely an Irish Catholic thing, and I probably had a similar upbringing, influenced by the church using sex as a tool of fear and control over the majority of the population. People are suggesting you do various exercises, but I recommend tackling the underlying problem, examining the source and reasons for your unease and straightening out in your mind why sex and the boogy man were constantly used as tools to control your behaviour as a young person. You can find the Ryan report online http://www.childabusecommission.ie/index.html
 
I think an understanding of what led you to this feeling is much more effective than dealing with the symptoms
 
Paul.

Deviation refers to tributary! It does not mean that I consider gays and lesbians and what not, odd or irregular. They have their rights and I for one can respect them. They have their realm though I am not a part of it but have no problem sitting on the same dining table with any of them. Is that clear?
 
Sex exists for the simple purpose of progeny. For this purpose there’s man and woman and the whole mechanics of it revolve around this primary purpose. As a reward, it is made pleasurable. I guess this explanation is basic enough.
 
Many people harbor inhibitions in so far as sex is concerned. Some have psychological anxieties. Some were brought up thinking it’s dirty. Some hold back their natural “calling”. Yet some lose control of their better senses.
 
Let me share with you a true story. I have a friend who confided in us friends that he has never in his 20 odd years of marriage seen his wife nude. We asked him how he managed for sex and he replied that he just fiddles in the dark and mounts her. Incidentally they were staunch Catholics and named Joseph and Mary. They were brought-up with sex being a taboo subject and in a very conservative family. (pls. do not unnecessarily judge or misinterpret my views on the religion),
 
Another lady I know claims she has never experienced an orgasm and look upon sex as just another thing in life. She claims that her husband would have sex with her about once a month and it’s all over within the minute. Yet she has 3 kids and they are affluent; where outwardly they resemble a picture of a perfect family.  
 
On the other hand too, many people bathe nude with their young children. Nudity has become a regular thing. When they are a bit older, they are given some basic sex education. They are taught that sex is a wonderful “thing” and that they should find the right partner when they grow up.
 
In my view, sex is a very natural thing and attitude is of course very important. Experimentation and all that are merely descriptions. Like everything else, when more than one party is involved, it calls for adjustments and striking a balance.