When I applied for my job I didn’t tell my employers I’d been diagnosed with depression, as I was sure they wouldn’t give me the job if I did. In the two years I’ve worked here, I’ve had to take time off (though never more than two weeks), but I still haven’t had any conversation with my employers about how I am, and I feel they’re watching me. It’s making me stressed, but I don’t feel they’ll give me a sympathetic hearing if I do try to talk about depression. What should I do?
Lucy Beresford replies: I congratulate you on refusing to be defined by your mental illness. You’ve shown you can apply for a job, get it, and do the role for two years, which is a fantastic achievement. The sad thing is how an initial lack of full disclosure is now stressing you out.
It saddens me to write this, but you are not alone. Earlier this year, the mental health charity Mind presented evidence that employees who admit at work to feeling depressed fear being sacked or squeezed out of their jobs. And so while I wouldn’t advocate people lying to a boss about anything, we must also recognise that a huge amount of work still needs to be done to address the stigma of mental illness in the workplace. So your initial decision not to mention your depression to your employers is understandable, in this light.
You also reveal a touch of paranoia – fearing your employers are watching you. You don’t explain the basis for this fear, whether there is overt prejudice in your office or the industry in which you work. So, it may be true (and you won’t know for sure until you have a proper conversation with them). But it could also be a projection of your own anxieties or guilt about the situation. Your fear is really of the unknown.
This is a delicate area, not least for people like you, who already feel emotionally vulnerable. So I suggest in the first instance you talk to friends and family to enlist support while you make up your mind about whether or how to act.
Then assess whether the ongoing stress is affecting your ability to do your job, and weigh up whether this is worse than coming clean. Consider chatting about mental health issues with a trusted colleague, to test the water informally. At some stage, you might mention to your boss what Mind is calling ‘the elephant in the room’, but only when you feel ready.
Not every employee is blessed with an enlightened employer. If, by going public with your depression, you receive adverse reactions, Mind has a legal advice line (0300 466 6463) so you can find out where you stand.
But with luck, you’ll discover you have a supportive boss, who says ,‘As long as you continue doing a great job for me, I’m not worried about your diagnosis’. After all, it’s something we should all be actively working to promote – that mental illness doesn’t have to mean the end of a career.
What would you do? Add your comment below.
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